Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Bitter Blogger

So I am. I could wail so I could. I appear to have gone all Irish on you. I have one thing on my bucket list. It is not to visit the Himalayas, swim with dolphins, climb Kilimanjaro (that's what posh people do when they fancy a day out), take a train ride through the Rocky Mountains (okay wouldn't mind that one) or anything deep or profound. Nope. I am that shallow. Number one on my bucket list is (or rather was) to appear on Catchphrase. Yarp that's it. Not impossible some might say. Not too expensive - it would have been the cost of a one day Travelcard. Alas, I am rapidly approaching 41 and it appears my dream to press that buzzer is unattainable. Cue lots of wailing and a quick reference to my book on how to manage my ape chimp in this situation.

So close but so far! Cue wailing
In August I applied to go on the show. I sold my soul. I was witty, funny, talked of pissing myself on the M25 and other embarrassing stories of a desperate nature and was generally a total prize prat just to get a phone call. Seriously these applications mean you leave any dignity or self respect firmly away from your laptop.  To have an even bigger chance of getting on a quiz show you can send in a video clip.  Yes you can make an even bigger dick of yourself - in print isn't sufficient enough.  So I filled in my 14 pages and stopped short of writing 'pick me, I beg you' and hoped for the best.

You cannot imagine the excitement I had then, whilst on holiday, a lady had left a message on my mobile to say she was calling about the show. Her name was Megan - yes you Megan you you!! More of which later. I composed myself and phoned from France citing my blog etc etc, talked with enthusiasm and generally came over all excitable puppy like.  I thought I did well. I was positive I would have to be arranging childcare upon my return so I could travel to my audition. Maybe I should have said I'd spend the money on cancer research rather than a holiday and the normal stuff? I wish they could tell you why you are not the chosen one. More wailing.

Where's your loyalty Roy to all the children (me!!) of the 80's that watched your show!
Now, the application deadline was the second week in October so naturally I thought I might hear after this date.  I took to twitter to see how the land was lying. It turns out auditions were in August!! So does it mean the first applications get through? Did my holiday scupper my chances of getting on the show? Urghhh. In any event, I want a national inquiry as to the deadline being October and auditions are in August.  Like the title suggest I am bitter. BITTER I TELL YOU!!!

To add insult to injury some other blogger got an audition - I thought that was cool thing to say on the show "I'm a blogger, I've got virtual trophies don't you know" - now it seems someone else will be saying that. I hope they get knocked out in the first round. BITTER!!

Say what you see - a sad, bitter and wailing 40 year old woman - her dreams crashed!

I have a confession to make in that not to let sleeping dogs lie (catchphrase) I dug out the number that called me in France. I found Megan's number and left a message to ask if I had an audition. Surprise, surprise she didn't return my call. Wails again. No, I'm not a nutter but why can't people just say you were too boring, you didn't come across well or you're just a wanker.

So Mr Chips this one's for you...

This really mad me laugh - its on google and I'm not really that bitter I have gotten over it!

My sisters were once on Blockbusters - remember that? My parents had a video recording of it but I'm certain my sisters have destroyed it. They were pretty rubbish on it - they won £25 and were up against some gold run supremo. I had to endure years of the theme tune down the corridors of my secondary school even when they had left and I wasn't even on the show!

P for pissed off! 
So there you have it a bitter blog in good spirits. A bit of fun on how not to get on a quiz show. Maybe I should write a blog on that?  I have had phone calls for Come Dine with Me, In it to Win It and Perfection - which I did get an audition for but its so bloody hard that game so was saving myself for the big one.  I had a call back for Pointless but I couldn't talk as was doing the school run - needless to say I didn't get a call back.

So, if you a person who chooses contestants for a show - please put me out of my misery and tell me what I'm doing wrong!

Until next time....


  1. I imagine it's all quite random. Better luck next time. Cheers from Carole's chatter

    1. Yes I suppose it is - had a tweet from a lady who said her husband got down to the last 300 out of 28,000 who auditioned?! x

  2. Oh dear! You be bitter, it is allowed, I would be a bit narked too. Maybe you need to aim higher; erm not sure what higher would be? I have never had the urge to be on a game show but I bet it would be fun. Bitter luck next time xx

  3. I don't mind that much really but every now and then I think urgh! Yes raise the bar a bit on my bucket list - I just want to win money pure and simple! Thanks Nikki xx

  4. Definitely their loss. You were made for that show.