|Get Back 1969 - pic ebay as ever|
I wanted to have children. I chose to have them and I chose to bring them up myself. Yes, dad's can do it blah blah blah but I can't be bothered to be all diplomatic- mum's should do it. I did visit a nursery when I briefly contemplated returning to work and it turned my stomach. Babies looked after by teenagers talking about last nights session on the lash and mattresses on the floor for the children's enforced nap times. The thought of leaving my son for 8 hours a day in one of these baby farms just horrified me. An excellent article was written about it here. FINALLY a well written article about what's wrong with society and how this shouldn't be the norm. I've said for a long time that this is a dark time in our social history and we will look back and say what an earth were we thinking?
Parenting has taken a massive back seat for the past 30 years or so. And before you say they have clubs and what not - that's not parenting - that's driving your kids somewhere to live out your aspirations and pay someone for the privilege. That's not engaging with your child that's making you feel better about not being with your child.
During my time as a SAHM I've seen nursery workers out and about with children in the park and if the parents could see how their child is being cared for (i.e not) then the mum's wouldn't say "they love it." Incidentally they don't love it. I've seen many a child scream whilst the mum consoles herself that once she's gone "they're fine and love it". No they don't. Crying is the only way they can communicate that they don't actually enjoy being separated from their mum for 8 hours a day in a confined space with a load of other babies. They accept it. There is a huge difference. By the way the last time I wrote this someone said thanks for making me feel guilty. If you feel guilty then you know its wrong. Guilt is a valid emotion don't ignore it. Studies have shown the stress it causes to under 3's and more studies have been done further down the line. Finally, people are actually starting to question the norm of letting someone else bring up your kids whilst you go and earn a bit of shrapnel.
I don't believe that the majority of mother's earn sufficient enough take home pay to justify putting their pre-schoolers into child care for 8 hours a day. They say it means we can have the extras. Well here's a thought don't have the extras have the time with your child that you chose to have. I really don't think a 10 day break is worth the stress and hassle of it all. Your kids couldn't give a hoot - they're far happier just being in your company. My friend remarked the other day that she doesn't know any working mums who actually look happy. They're generally pissed off with everything - husband, kids, home and work. They are a bitter bunch. They're not living the dream they're living the treadmill whilst juggling at the same time.
As for single mum's I'd happily pay towards their benefits or into a SAHM pot so they can look after their children during the pre-school years. Why should they be forced to be apart from their children. I believe society benefits in the long run think of it as an insurance policy. Yes, some people get pregnant for benefits etc but the vast majority don't. People should be directing their anger at large corporations not paying any tax than mum's being paid to look after their children.
Then there's the mum's that need to work for their own sanity roughly translated as I waited until mid thirties to have a child as its what I wanted but actually it involved too much effort not enough me time and actually I'd rather like my old life back please. They can be found at the nursery saying "they love it once I'm gone." No, you love it and trudging to work is preferable to being at home being 'bored.'
Then there's the whole SAHM v working mums but I can only see that being started by a working mum. They think we spend our time judging them. We don't. I think they do a good a good job of that themselves. I personally think you don't quite get it and that's about it. I couldn't give a shit if you work or not. I am at peace with my life. Just because my view is that there is something very wrong with the whole concept doesn't mean to say I'm overly concerned with what individuals do with their own children. I know it would make for a better society but its unlikely mum's are going to be un-brainwashed anytime soon.
So what of the get back? Well in recent weeks I've encountered certain types (all working mums funnily enough) enquiring when I will return back to work. I get the impression that they feel I've had enough fun, a good innings but now its time to tow the line.
My 3 year old will start school in September 2014. I've had 9 years of not working what an earth can I be contributing to society? There is a lot of sneering - talk of getting back on the gravy train. You're all just jealous. Who in their right mind would not want to be at home? It is the ultimate freedom. Okay I have 3 children, husband and the home but I am in control on my own destiny. I don't need to ask someone if I can have Xmas off, I don't need to see the holiday rota, I don't need to juggle school holidays, sick days, dentist, doctors, inset days, appointments. I could chose to put on a film once buddy is at pre-school - I don't I normally work out then clean the house but the choice is mine.
A mum said recently "you need to go back to work" when I remarked that the school was constantly pissing me off. What it wouldn't piss me off if I didn't have time on my hands? That's the general assumption that you have lots of time on your hands - only spoken by someone that doesn't do what I do. If its so easy where are all the offers to look after my kids and do all the chores while I go out for the day? Actually work is the easy option it requires less effort. I rest my case.
The other day a teacher was huffing and puffing as she'd been baking cakes all day with the class for a cake sale. Myself and another mum (also one like me) said "welcome to our world" as a joke in reference to the work we do on the PTA raising thousands of pounds a year. Her response was "that's why I work" i.e you mums have time to do that. Yes I do cram in time to raise money for charity given that the government's not going to pay for your children's school books so shot me.
Anyway, why are people so bothered that I don't work? I'm not saying when are you going to actually raise your own children instead of someone else am I. That would be considered highly inappropriate wouldn't it?They would argue they don't have a choice. Don't you?
I know people will read this and say look someone judging working mum's. Why do women attack each other blah blah. But those same women think its okay to say I need to go out to work, my kid loves its and everyone is meant to go okay then we won't disagree with you. Well I don't agree with you and if that makes me judgemental and not for the sisterhood then so bit. I don't care. You're never going to make me think bunging a child in nursery for 8 hours a day is a good thing.
|Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump a truly great film - pic ebay|
With the risk of sounding like Forrest Gump I don't have all the answers and I may not be the smartest gal in the world but I know what's right and what's wrong.
"And that's all I have to say about that."