Tuesday, 25 September 2012

The Entrapment Mother F******!

...complete the sentence. My goodness I am getting quite potty mouthed these days. I hope you all take it as its meant - funny or to ham home a point that drives me nuts. I only really curse for affect or is it effect? Who gives a fuck! Now that was a joke.

I do like my posts that start with "The" followed by a character assassination.  I will probably tire of them shortly but until that time I shall continue as I were and you shall bloody well like it.

Now I don't write too many posts about mums in the playground. There are so many of them out there i.e what type of school run mum are you? (yawn - who gives a shit), what to wear on the school run (the first thing that falls out of the wardrobe) and so on it goes. Please don't get me started on the enlightening articles on the subject of wearing wake-up and heels in the morning.  I'm sure the people that write these articles must live in the 'shires' because, quite frankly, us lot in South London don't give a toss. A 'mum' blogger tweeted recently that another mum had brought bubbles to the park. I can categorically state that this would never happen where I live. Knives yes. Bubbles no.

I've noticed that these articles are not solely the preserve of the various 'mummy' bloggers out there. Who incidentally are not defined by being 'just a mother' but always have 'mummy something' in their blog title. Might need to re-think that one ladies.

There is a whole journalistic industry geared towards women who bleat on about being a woman and all that is unfair in their little bubble of existence. When did women become such victims? Poor me. Boo hoo.  Yesterday the latest article was about when to get out of a shit relationship. How the women ignored all his faults (and probably their own) and plodded along. It bores the pants off me. Another mummy blogger (sorry luv!) wrote a very good article about how its a woman's fault if she remains childless through choice. Cue many a violin.

Anyway, back to the task in hand.  The playground is full of wankers it has to be said in much the same way as in the work place.  You don't have to have children to come across all manner of wankers - people you wouldn't give the time of day to if only for the fact you have to see them everyday. There are various types which I touched on briefly in this post but one that needs a special mention is this lady. The Entrapment Mother.

Picture ebay - maybe this could be the school run fashion?


She has issues.  Its nothing personal. Probably stems back to childhood but is quite the malicious bitch if truth be told. In the 1970's she'd be called a "shit stirrer." You initially thought that of her upon first contact and your instincts were well and truly right. Then she draws you in and you begin to have doubts - mmm maybe she's not so bad - she gains your trust and then WHAM! you were right all along. But instead of cutting her loose entirely by not even giving her the time of day, this strange set-up gets repeated over and over again.  You know its wrong but you just can't help yourself. 

For instance, some days she'll say hi others she'll totally blank you.  Some days she'll be chatting to you merrily about all manner of things, other times she gives you one word answers.  Her speciality is starting a conversation in a negative manner i.e "isn't it awful about about this, well I think its really bad, I mean what are you supposed to do...." You probably haven't really thought too much about what she's going on about and if you had its not quite as bad a picture as she is painting but to be polite you nod and agree.  This is where she gets you. You give her some fodder for her complaint, then to your utter amazement, she snaps back something along the lines of "well that isn't very nice is it - nudges nearest mum  - "ere Natasha isn't best pleased with this - not very nice that is it?!"  With that she spins around, the pin well and truly pulled out of the grenade massive explosions occurring, whilst she merrily waltzes out of the school gate home.

That, my friends, is The Entrapment Mother. Know any?

10 comments:

  1. I love your blog! I love that you say it as it is and yes I'm a mummy blogger but I'm ok with that! Sadly I know a few of these 'mothers' as the boys are at a small village primary and it can be a real minefield. I tend to keep out of it, I have a group of sane normal mums that I chat too and I steer clear of the rest if I can! Great post xx

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    1. Ahhh thank you Nikki - I know I couldn't resist re the mummy blog title having said that had I not chosen The 1970's Diet I would have done the same as I am defined by being a mother! Yup the playground is full of wankers it has to be said! And I have. Probably why I don't do reviews - but this is just how I like it. A platform for my rants! x

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  2. Your post amused me :-)

    I don't know where/if I fit into all of this - I'm a woman, wife, blogger, but not a mother. I do know a few Entrapment Women (mothers, bloggers, scientists). I wonder if it's a trait peculiar to women, or groups of women?

    Oh, and I do like many of the mummy blogs - honest and funny x.

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  3. I like to amuse! I like the mummy blogs too it was a bit tongue in cheek that comment as ultimately I am one but without it the title. I think it is a trait in some women - are there men like that also? I would love to hear if you have come across the male version x

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  4. I've been doing the school run for a week now that little one is in reception and I'm already sewing these mums!

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    1. sewing? That seems a bit extreme but hey whatever works for you - I might try that myself! x

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  5. Someone has well and truly pissed you off, hey? 'Shit stirrer' I stll use that, am I a bit '70s? Probably!

    Right off now to write an article about what I'll wear to school tomorrow, I live in the shires - don't you know?

    Mich x

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  6. Mich I can never imagine you saying shit stirre you're too nice for that! Lol, make sure you team it with heels. Looking forward to your posts on shit that does matter! x

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  7. HA! Many many of these women I have encountered in my days. It's boredom mainly, and the fact they were born to be evil. Thank god I don't have to go near schools anymore x

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    1. I like that born to be evil - I still have a long way to go before I can sign off the playground duty! x

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