Wednesday, 4 July 2012

The Modern Day Mother

The other day I got a tweeting with a fellow mum blogger about teenagers and children in general. I half joked and posed the question "what is the point of a teenager?" That's a tricky one. I don't quite know. To get from A to B with varying degrees of grief imposed on innocent parties that surround them? Yes this is the conclusion that I have come to.

Everyone has been a teenager and I am pretty sure we, at some stage, gave innocent members of society a hard time. Depending on what kind of teenager you were i.e rebel without a cause or rebel with a cause - the degree of hard time you dished out to others would vary.  They way you behave as a teenager is accepted because "you're a teenager". You can get away with it. Further down the line you will just be considered a wanker.

I accept life is different for the modern day teenager. Internet being at the top of the list. Everyone has to be academic. Encouraging all our teenagers to stay on at school and get a degree in anything  hides the youth unemployment figures for that bit longer.

So what of the modern day mother? What's her part in all of this? The modern day mother is also consumed with the internet. She blogs, tweets, updates her 'status' and is surgically attached to her mobile phone whilst casting an eye up to check on the kids. Its cool to treat motherhood as a big chore.  Tales of what lie you've told your kids, what you haven't done with them and what you have done for yourself are celebrated. We are are more self-absorbed then ever before. Its fashionable to have issues. Hell its celebrated. What you're happy? You're not depressed? You don't hate motherhood? Well you're a bit strange then. I am so tired of twitter at the moment its full of this shit.  These blogs are rife and some just resemble The Truman Show.

I can't help thinking that maybe the pampered children coming up through the ranks and today's teenagers are a by product of the modern day mother. In the 1970's we didn't have everything and maybe we want to give our children stuff we didn't have. So they have got used to getting what they want. Minimum effort for maximum return.They are driven to every 30 minute club going. I refuse to do lots of clubs. This isn't spending time with your kids - sitting and watching someone teach them something before getting back in the car.  A lot of the time its about the mother's aspirations rather than the child's. Everything is laid out before them. They don't need to think too much. So is it any wonder they struggle to do anything for themselves?  I think Internet is to blame but I think my generation of mothers also have a lot to answer for.

Today Mumsnet were celebrating their blogging one year anniversary of which you can find my blog. It was all about how bloggers are changing the world. Enter the feminists and one in particular who was celebrating the fact that she had made Hamley's re-think how they positioned their toys. Yes, she changed the world by getting them to integrate the boys and girls toys as we don't need them to be gender specific. I'm going to swear. For fucks sake. Has she seen the world lately? This is progress? Really? Now all the parents have to wander around like headless chickens to find the toy for their not gender neutral boy or girl. That's not the point - yeah you've made a statement alright. That all is wrong with the world. There are people who have nothing to eat on a daily basis but thank goodness the toys in Hamley's are all mixed up.  If you're going to blog for the 'good' do it for some fucking good will you. We are not gender neutral we are different. Accept it. Get over it. Bog off feminists you are a pain in the arse and that's why everything is screwed up.

I could go on but I am too tired. I haven't had a great day. Only got 2 hours sleep last night as I was worried about my husband's back. He's a bit better today but he will be off for the week. We may even have to re-think his entire job and we may have to cancel our holiday in August. We have to pay the balance by Saturday. To top it all I managed to slam my head in the car door today! How can that be possible? I don't know but it bloody hurt. I'm not co-ordinated when I'm sleepy. I did not exercise and I did not take the kids swimming.

Tomorrow will be a better and my spell check now works.





26 comments:

  1. I must admit I felt a twinge of guilt about the mothers absorbed in their phones/blogs/twitter as that is something that I am prone too lately. The world is definitely a different one to the one we lived in. Now there are bucket lists of things that kids should do, that we just did as there was. Nothing else. As a teacher you see just how Molly coddled some children are and it is scary as they can do no wrong as far as their kids are concerned and I really don't think that is healthy. I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

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    1. Hi Nikki - I think we are all guilty of this myself included. I am always checking my phone if it bleeps. I forgot it today and it felt really nice. I check twitter and facebook far too often. Its not healthy I like it when my kids are bored - they then go off and do drawing and entertain themselves. Its good for them! x

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    2. And then there is the whole setting a bad example thing!

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  2. Erm actually when things like chemistry sets are classed under boys toys whilst hello kitty cleaning trolleys are classified under girls toys I would say there is a problem. Just because there are starving people in the world doesn't mean there are no other problems which need to be dealt with.

    Hope you feel better tomorrow.

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    1. Yes 1 in every 100 girls are going to want to do chemistry but toy stores cater for the masses and the majority of girls will want the pink hello kitty trolley and the boys will prefer the chemistry set. Its a fact of life. Studies have shown they will naturally choose the perceived feminine or masculine toy. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and they dictate what htey want to play with. I would also suggest that starving people is a problem that should be on the top of the problem list.

      I am hoping too! x

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  3. Well, I bet you are glad you got that lot off your chest. Hope you get some sleep soon!

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    1. much better! Off to bed in a mo x

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  4. Tomorrow will be a better day I am sure. Mich x

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    1. well I had a good night's sleep so that's a start. This post was brutal even for me!

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  5. Hi Natasha,
    To lose and maintain healthy body weight we must break our meals in 5/6 small meals including snacks and add fresh fruits and vegetables more in our daily meals. Increase water intake, drink green tea and avoid beverages, soda and flavored juices. Exercise is must so do exercise regulalry.

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  6. You mean your childrens choices aren't influenced by what's all around them? Of course they are, and I personally don't want that to be cleaning for the girls and chemistry sets for the boys. Maybe you should aim higher for your daughter as well? If she has a chemistry set maybe she will one day be able to help solve the hunger problem?

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    1. Nope. My daughter had a love of dinosaurs from an early age and then anything animals related. If she wanted a cleaning trolley or chemistry set that would be fine. My eldest son loved trucks as does my youngest son who has got excited by them from an early age whilst out and about and is obsessed with football. There's nothing wrong with boys and girls enjoying what is perceived to be their gender specific toys.

      Its more about what the parent wants the child to aim for rather than the child. My aspirations for my child are fine - they are for her to aspire to be what she wants to be not what other people want to her be. She recently said she wants to be a mum - that's fine by me.

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  7. I learnt long ago that I am right and everyone else is wrong. If I set about 'changing things' then we will all be right and I will have no outlet for my superior knowledge and insight. If I can't find what I want for my very gender neutral My Little Pony loving son in girls toys I know where to find them quickly. If the toys are all mixed up, it could take me all day to find him an Action Man jeep to take to a friends birthday party and I will have wasted precious Tweeting hours.
    We have handed our kids the spiritual equivalent of sticking a candle in dog crap and telling them it's birthday cake. Our mums had the mortgage-independent wimmin thing down pat, but the 'I love you more than this promotion-extension-double glazing' skill set was severely lacking. It shocks us when an athlete turns his back on his first childs babyhood to 'go for gold' but women do this shit every day through necessity. This is having it all. As in, it doesn't exist. You make your choice, and hope you have the strength to cope with the fallout. I'm mad about my kids, but never felt that maternal self sacrifice thing because it wasn't what I was taught as a child by my single career woman mum. I've had to fake it a lot. But at least I cared enough to fake it. Maybe we were faking it all along, and just didn't have the technology to provide us with the distraction? Maybe some women don't feel the need to fake it, and maybe some women get no love from their partner so they project it all onto their off spring?
    Maybe we're all genetically designed to fight and screw our way to the grave and now noone believes in God we're just speeding up the process. Thats the real issue. (Have I said enough to get the trolls to come after me now? You're welcome)
    Great provocative post, in the good way, as usual. I only popped by to leave you the award for versatile blogger, and a heads up. Here is the link http://maybelator.blogspot.co.uk/
    and thanks for being ace. Couldn't find you on Twitter. Think it's down on my phone xoxo

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    1. My my May! Where to start! I have to agree 100% when I am right everyone is wrong! I accept that they feel the same as well. I am a grown up afterall. There is no such thing as having it all. My mum had kids at a young age as seemed like a good idea but it wasn't for her and given her time again I'm sure she wouldn't have bothered. That's just a fact. For some its great for others its a real bore. She was a SAHM and hated it and couldn't wait to get back to work. I do feel that generation can be partly to blame for a quarter of all women born in the 1970's who have ended up childless. Many were told to get a career, find the perfect man (Erm hello!), do this, do that, you, you, you. Now you have women 'having it all' by dropping kids off at nursery for 8 hours to have about £200 take home, equality in that now you can't live off one income, rushing around like headless chickens, still doing the lion share of the housework, feeling guilty and the rot has already set in the relationship stemed from bitterness. If that's having it all then you can poke it. Some people aren't maternal others are. But the non maternal are always happy to have a pop at the ones that are happy with their lot and isn't it sad that to be happy with looking after children people assume it must be because you havent got affection elsewhere?!

      Thank you for the big up on your award - I don't tend to do linkys or ff not because I'm up myself but I find it hard enough to fit in a blog post and exercise! I do hope you've found me on twitter now! xx

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    2. i always find its the maternal ones who have a pop at us 'selfish' non-maternal ones ! its all down to perspective..

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    3. But you're not a mother so being non-maternal isn't an issue. Its the non-maternal mothers who project their guilt about it onto mum's who actually like it. I couldn't care less if a mother doesn't enjoy motherhood that's her choice so why does it irke them so much when mothers enjoy it x

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    4. true...its an interesting question...maybe its guilt around whats expected as the 'norm'...Also, whilst you say my being non-maternal isnt an issue.. ive been at the receiving end of comments from people which would suggest otherwise.. Not that it bothers me, as I always live by 'what ever makes you happy is fine by me;-)) '

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  8. I don't remember this being such a big deal when I was growing up. Perhaps it was because we didn't have stores like Hamleys in South Africa. We played outdoors, made our own toys, and nobody ever said I couldn't be a scientist; oh, and I also grew up in the 70s.

    Excellent rant x.

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    1. Hi Lesley - yes maybe we should be more concerned with mass consumerisum than where the toys are placed. I honestly don't think a young child thinks oh I'm walking down the girls section now they just gravitate towards a toy that interests them x I can do light and fluffy, I really can......can I?!! xx

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  9. Oh dear, I hope your head is ok! I totally agree with the Hamleys thing, its bad enough bracing yourself to go in, let alone not being able to do the gender specific dash anymore ;)

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  10. lol - yes a whole lot of hassle and yes my head is better thank you! xx

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  11. I hope today is a better day than yesterday :( I have to say I agree with you - as a mother you have to just make your own rules though and not go by what society is projecting onto us! x

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    1. hello there yes much better thank you - was about to do a "I can do light and fluffy post" but then got caught up with campaigning at the school! Drat x

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  12. Hi, I'm new to your blog. Excellent rant; definitely with you on feminism - the biggest load of bullshit ever sold to women. I think Hamleys will rethink that decision come Christmas ... ;0)

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    1. Hi Shirley welcome! Where have you been? LOL I've been a bit pre-occupied with other matters this week so blog posts are down production wise. My kind of woman on the feminism shite. x

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