Friday, 20 April 2012

Do as I say, Not as I do

I read this post yesterday. It was about children's manners - I don't know why I read it as they are ten a penny, normally self righteous and invariable just want a confirmation that they parent better than someone else.

Essentially the crux of the post is the mother is having a party for her child. One child is invited but his mother has mucked her around as to whether or not he's going. A clear case of bad manners. This is not in dispute or doubt.  The writer is in the right.  The boy isn't the best behaved boy in the world, again, it is accepted that this is down to parenting and not the boy's fault.  So what's the problem?

Well naturally everyone that comments, the back up brigade, says how awful, the mother is in the wrong blah blah and they are all right. However, one refers to the child as the little ******!. Charming. How very adult and well behaved of you. But what jumped out at me asides from the sheer contempt this woman had for a 5 year old boy, was that she had failed to see, ironically, that her actions were just as rude.

She says in the post she just ignored the boy and walked away (after he came bounding up to her to say he was now attending the party which his mother had previously declined on his behalf). How is that setting any kind of example pray tell? A child is born into this world a beautiful, innocent blank canvas, and it is the actions of the carers that decide whether it will be spoilt or will be a wonderful work of art.  Here is the boy - the innocent as far as I'm concerned - not only being shown bad manners by his own mother but a quick lesson in rudeness by other adults he comes into contact with. Furthermore, may I suggest instead of ignoring, resenting and complaining why not just say I'm sorry I've finalised all the arrangements now? That way the mother may think twice about doing this in the future.

The writer said no ones perfect - correct. But I know for a fact there is no way I would ignore a child if it spoke to me. For me this woman demonstrated so much that frustrates me about modern society, of which I have spoken before in previous posts and a lack of compassion and understanding of others.

When my eldest, my precious first born, started Reception there was a boy much more troubled than the boy that was spoke of in this post.  Within the first term he punched my son in the face, kicked another boy in the head and was a real danger to the others. He had come from a very troubled background.  I spoke with the teacher and the head. I also spoke with the mother to let her know I had complained. She was fully aware of what was going on and apologised for his actions. He was eventually expelled - at no time did I blame the boy as far as I was concerned all the adults around him had failed him massively.

I appreciate my comment will be in the minority and be seen unfavourably by the writer but I think I do have a valid point and I like to think I expressed that politely.  I would also like grown up women to act as such and not use language towards a child which would be better suited for an adult.

That is all.  Now back to my diet!


  1. I'm sad to say that my kids manners leave a bit to be desired. I have spirited and lively kids and they forget. It's my job to remind them, so that's what I do. As they mature they'll get there, they are all good kids.

    For me do as I do not just as I saw is very important to me.

    Mich x

  2. Good post Natasha. Have a good week

  3. I, for one, agree with your sentiments. Children that young should never be blamed for their behavioural issues. I've worked in schools and children's centres, and every time I've met the parents of some of the more troubled children it's obvious why the children had issues.

  4. thanks for your comments - yes just get so disappointed at how personal people can get and talk about really small children. x

  5. I rarely comment on anything to do with manners or bringing up children because I think it's each to their own. I'm surrounded by parents of varied nationalities with very different ways of bringing up their children and what seems impoilte to one is the norm to another. My neighbour's child is allowed to jump on their sofa - they believe she should be able to express how she's feeling in whatever way she chooses. I don't. I let my son watch tv - they think it's wrong. We all get along because we respect each other's choices and explain to our kids that what's acceptable in one house might not be in another. And that's the key point ... children need an explanation about why things are right or wrong and to be told if they have hurt someone else's feelings. That's how they learn. Ignoring them, calling them names or hoping they can somehow mindread a situation rarely helps.

  6. exactly - what a lovely bunch of grown up readers I have!. Thank you for all your comments much appreciated. x