No? Really? Why not? Yes I'd never heard of 'Herman the friendship cake' before. Now I first heard of Herman a week ago whilst visiting my friend in hospital. Her first round of Chemo had left her without any white blood cells which resulted in a 4 day stay in hospital.
Whilst chatting (I was wearing a face mask to prevent the spread of germs) she pipes up "not another bloody email about this cake - that's the fourth one I've had so far!" "Have you had one about Herman the Friendship cake?" No I hadn't - cue much groaning, expletives and sighing from me. I hate shit like this you see. I got a text recently on International Women's day saying we were all 'amazing','brilliant' women. Why? Because we give birth, something that has been going on since the beginning of time. Why do women feel the need to constantly pat themselves on the back for just being a woman? If blokes did it there would be uproar. Can you imagine - Its International Men Day - we are amazing, we work our nuts off all our lives, without a break and die shortly after. Enough!
I told her in no uncertain terms to "email back and say you're 38 not 8 for fucks sake!" She promptly told me off and said that would be rude (point taken) and to stop upsetting her friends on twitter. They might not get my sense of humour. I had tweeted back to one of her friends who innocently asked the question "what's the name of the company that delivers food ingredients to your door?" I instantly tweeted back "bend over?" Now I thought this was very funny and assumed the person who I don't know at all would know what I meant. You get it don't you? Please say you do or exit The 1970's diet blog at great haste. I meant, of course, hands up billy, take your money, are we really that lazy but I had to explain myself. I had my very own tumbleweed moment.
Anyway, onto Herman. There's lots about him on the Internet but I've saved you the trouble, as ever! This is Herman. So basically a 'friend' gives you an unfinished festering type dough cake. You have to add stuff to the mixture, let set for a few days, then bake him and share amongst your friends. As if you haven't got enough to be doing - book bags, school stuff, running a home, working that your 'friends' want to pop round with this because its a nice thing to do. No it isn't. We are grown women with busy lives this is the sort of shit I would have done when I was 12! Grow up (see previous post on that one).
If you want to be a friend do half my ironing or preferably all of it. Bake me cakes and leave them fully completed. Herman has got to be put in the same category as one of those I'd rather slit my wrists than go to a Jamie Oliver, Pampered Chef, Candlelite, Chocoholics or any other type of party. Parties are fun - buying shit I don't need to fund peoples rainy day fund is not.
I mean this is like some sick twisted chain letter. What happens if you just let Herman find its way into the bin. Does a baker somewhere die? So please if you really are my friend don't ever, ever give me a Herman!