Last night I proclaimed "I have nothing to wear!". This is nothing new. These words have often spat out of my mouth over the years if truth be told. Next week we have a 60th birthday bash to attend at our local community centre, so not a grand affair by any stretch of the imagination. I really can't bare to wear my fat outfit which I described in my post The Buffet Girl Part II. This outfit urgently needs to retire from public life.
So I have planned a solo trip into town on Saturday with only one requirement in mind - something that fits. My husband made a very astute observation - "I know what will happen you'll come back with nothing and be in a foul mood for the rest of the day." "You won't find anything in the first shop so this will set you up for the rest of the trip". As you can gather he's not looking forward to seeing me return stormy faced and then having the predictable "I'm so fat" conversation.
He suggests I try on a dress from my wardrobe to give me an idea of what one will look like and the style to go for. This way I won't be devastated in the changing rooms at the weekend. I also ordered two in a size 16 online that I liked from Dorothy Perkins but I just know they won't fit.
At bedtime (I should have gone up earlier) I try on my size 16 dress, which is quite fitted, and even when I did fit into it properly, I always used to think of that as my fat outfit. How the goalposts have moved. I could have done the zip up at the side if I wanted to lose an eye, so I opted to leave it open whilst saying "It will do up!". I then threw on a coral number that I wore to a friends wedding last August - "it looks no bloody different" I cried. The hubster agreed conclusively.
I was so disheartened and feel I should probably cancel the trip on Saturday as I know he's right - I will be in a foul mood afterwards. Even separates are going to look awful I have tops that will look fine but its the bottom half and my gigantic tummy. When will I ever like going clothes shopping? I have hated it for so many years now. It really is a chore. I have not gone to events because of the dreaded having to find something to wear for it. When my daughter was 3 months old my cousin got married (now divorced) in secret but then had a bit of a party which we were invited too. I'm ashamed to say and will always regret that I didn't go - I couldn't face it. We were on holiday at the time but we could have gone.
I know I've lost 20lbs but clothes shopping will not be in the least bit pleasurable until I've lost another 2 stone. This I am certain of and even then it will be a size 14. I need to crank it up a notch big time. It is March tomorrow - time is marching (no pun intended) on. I need to look different from last year. I just have to.
So this has taken the wind out of my sails I must admit. I do feel down about it all but know I now need to be very strict (I have been slacking a bit on writing down everything I eat and the exercise eased up a bit last week too) with everything and really push on. I can't be demoralised by it - look at the people who lose 10 stone and then have to lose another 10 stone to reach goal weight. That must be demoralising.
I have set up a new page today called March Momentum - yes that really is the best I could come up with. Today I have only had one slice of bread as a sandwich and I will be reverting to wholemeal pitta for my lunch in future. Right I'm off to work out to the biggest loser and begin the March Momentum.