Thursday, 5 January 2012

Women are a bunch of Muppets...

Board game from 1970's
...at times and that includes my good self.  I bagsie Miss Piggy - who will you be and why?!  I have been annoyed today - okay mildly irritated - about various misdemeanours none of which really matter and one of which has to be my simmering, on the back burner, reoccurring annoyance - swimming lessons.

Now, if swimming lessons ever had to face a court of law they would be banged to rights. They would be locked up and the key thrown in the deep end where the child they had been teaching would be unable to get it because they can't  FUCKING swim!!  If you were to ask a lay person how long would they deem it "reasonable" (standard terminology in the legal system) for a child to learn to swim they, I can guarantee you, will not say about 2 years.

What is wrong with us? Why do we sit on those hard as nails chairs week after week after week watching our child 'swim' doing the same thing over and over again.  One week without floats - hooray progression! Next week floats.  The old cynic in me says that it is good business not to teach a child to swim within a reasonable time frame.  String it out for as long as possible = more money from the Muppet's which are (by and large) the mums.  We have all been brain washed to accept that this is reasonable. It is NOT!! There should be some guarantee that your child will swim within a year as standard - that's what you're teaching them to do is it not?! If they can't then you're not teaching them properly end of.

Now my son started swimming when he was 4 1/2 (reception) - it took a year of me and some other mums to finally accept this was a shit lesson, there was no real progress so we bailed out and went somewhere else.  Cue much improvement instructors in water - weekly 30 min slot. So from Year 1 (he is currently in 2nd term of year 3) until now he has got his 50 metre certificate and has been doing sitting dives etc but still he uses floats on occasions and is still not in the last group. He is doing exactly as he's told as far as I can see. My daughter also swims at the same time in the lower group for convenience so god knows how long that will be whilst I restrain my 18 month old waiting in the wings.

I never had private lessons in the 1970's - we were chucked in this freezing outside pool in primary school and I could swim by the time I was 6 I am sure.  I pretty sure I could do the same chuck the kids in and they would soon get the hang of it but I've taken the lazy option and paid someone to do it for me and bloody well paid they have been too.  In my naivety I thought this was an essential skill to have in case they ever fell out of a boat and such like! This is the only club I drive them too.

Now I could go on about after school clubs and mum's obsessions with driving their kids to every club going, paying someone to 'teach' their child for 30 mins and then driving them home.  STOP IT! But I need to engage with my lovely hubby and sit by the fire.

On the plus side I managed to do the Wii Zumba today with wrist weights no less and will let you know the effects of that tomorrow. I also got the tape measure out and will post the findings.  Until tomorrow - yours swimmingly Miss Piggy x




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