Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Diet like a man

Yep, I'm sure I've read this before but it sprung into my mind whilst I was watching my current fat favourite programme at the mo - Obese - A year to save my life on Sky 1.  I have most of the fat fighter programmes on series link but I tend to shout at the Biggest Loser UK as their numbers are poor given the size of them (she of a paltry 1lb loss this week) compared to the real deal -the Biggest Loser USA. 

Anyway, I like this programme as you get to see them from fat to thin within the hour.  I like the trainer Jessie Pavelka (I'm sure he'd be number one candidate for the Biggest Loser USA if Bob Harper was ever to topple from his throne - not that we want him too - liking him too!) who tweets on twitter during the programme and after. 

Although the chappie on the programme lost 8 stone and not the 10 stone set for the year - you just know he'll keep it off.  The previous week the woman did manage to lose the weight but her emotional attachment to food and her various binges she had during the process means that it is highly unlikely she will keep it off.

And there in lies the difference between men and women.  Men are naturally more competitive. They don't want to fail. They're set the task and told what is expected of them and they just crack on with it.  No fanning around, no excuses, no emotional clap trap - they just focus. 

Its a bit like when you're lost and there's a person that you could ask for directions - the man won't be having any of it. Well not mine at any rate.  He'd rather drive around for a few more hours (okay I exaggerate minutes) than actually stop and ask for directions.  He will not accept defeat.

Women tend to be lead astray on the dieting front - they say women tend to be overweight if they have overweight friends.  If you are hanging around with little billy bunters egging you on to "go on one won't hurt you" then you'll find it more difficult to lose weight if you surround yourself with healthy eating gym going fit buddies.

And much like the Xmas bragger I spoke of in December there's always women out there who want to sabotage your diet.  Women in particular feel threatened - maybe they need to lose weight and your "being good" is making them feel crap so we can't have any of that.  They'll be the ones saying "you're not fat" "go on, go on, go on" "are you sure" "mmmmm you really should try this". Tell them to fuck off! That should stop them dead in their tracks and make coffee mornings a thing of the past.

Women also have all manner of excuses time of the month, stressful day, half term, kids playing up - you name it we can come up with it! The latest is "you can't diet in this weather". Its too cold by all accounts and therefore you have to eat "comfort food".  The amount of time we spend coming up with excuses we could have lost the weight 5 x over I suspect.

So if you want to lose weight you have to diet like a man. Get the job done. No excuses.  End of.

Monday, 30 January 2012

Monday Weigh In

-1lb.  So not quite the dizzy heights of getting into the 12's by the end of January but I'm 3lbs away from that so am not too disappointed.  I was going great guns up until Wednesday with exercise and what not and then I had an awful weekend of not feeling well and I didn't eat particularly well - hot cross buns featured as did a bit of chocolate and then I had no energy to cook a roast on Sunday so a pizza was ordered aptly named "the Fat one".

Thank goodness January is nearly over and done with that's all I can say.  I am looking forward to February feels like a new start. Although its meant to be getting a lot colder and as I always say February is colder than January. 

I need to crack on and get back the cast iron focus I had when I started this diet at the end of October last year.  I need to remind myself that whilst I can do my size 14 jeans up I have, never mind a muffin top going over it, a whole bloody bakery thing going on.  I was also looking at our family holiday photos which I was putting into albums this week and whilst I do look slimmer I could do with looking a lot more slimmer. 

The exercise side of things is important but it only accounts for 30% of weight loss - the main way to lose weight is via the food and drink we eat. I need to concentrate on portion sizes for my dinner and make sure they are the same as the kids and be strict about writing everything down. 

Right I'm off to do the cleaning.  Have a great Monday if that's possible!

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Just A Quickie

I  haven't been too well this weekend so no exercise for me which is a real shame as at the start of the week I was going great guns.  I'm never normally ill or sick and can't remember the last time I had a cold or flu (well about 3 years ago) so by and large I'm pretty healthy most of the times. 

I felt dizzy and sick yesterday and had a lie down but was okay by the afternoon. Then in the evening I got a headache which wasn't wine induced went to bed with it and woke up with it.  So I went back to bed about 10 am dreamt we all went to Cape Town with the kids?! and trotted downstairs about 1.30 pm.  I feel marginally better and need to get some housework done.  Hopefully normal service will resume tomorrow and its weigh in day. Dah dah dah.

Friday, 27 January 2012

General Chit Chat

Well I normally blog about something that has got my goat, something 70's related or something that just tickles my fancy. Today I thought I'd do a bit of banal chit chat.  Well today I won a book! Yay, can't remember the last time I won something so this was most pleasing and was one of the book competitions that mumsnet bloggers were doing.  I have no idea when I will read it but read it I will.

I had a rough old night last night. Its always the way when I say to people that little buddy (that's not his real name in case you were wondering) has been sleeping really well of late.  Cue up quite a bit - he has all his teeth bar the 4 back ones and since November they flare up then go down but don't actually poke through. I am assuming its them again as one was quite raised so I was up and down like jack in a box and eventually got to sleep about 3 am I think.

I'm no good in the mornings and especially after a night like that.  But for some strange reason when I've had a rough night I can't stop getting on with things.  You'd think I'd want to have a sleep now but I'm like a woman on a mission. Who needs speed when you can have a 20 month old with an irregular sleeping pattern that's what I say.

So after doing the school run with little buddy on his scooter (he's very good and clever for his age don't you know!) I decided to tackle part of what's been bugging me in the house. Like the fact its "ride on city" as one friend observed. Yes it bloody well is. I've already got a massive bruise from when I crashed into the metal spitfire that is currently taking up all of my kitchen. Then there's the normal ride on, the motorised scooter in the study and a tractor with trailer. So the trailer has been relegated to the shed. 

The crusty old high chair (he's now in a booster at the table number) is out in the yard area together with old duvets and pillows.  I also got rid of the rubbish in the car. Sorted the re-cycling, hoovered, put washing in, sorted out clothes for the recycling and the little toy bits that drive me mental that no one plays with but just end up hanging around. Basically if I were a song right now it would be Kasabian as I'm on Fire I can tell you.

I am wilting a bit now though.  I could do my biggest loser but I have chosen not too.  That is because I just want to have some time to myself with a cup of coffee.  Everyday I rush around and cram in my exercise and today I'm not going to.  I've done loads today and I want to sort out my photo albums as I think buddy is now asleep. 

I have a Next order coming tomorrow - a rather large one at that. I didn't intend for it to get so big - I had gone off them (I don't write for money have you noticed - some people's blogs get paid to try out all sorts of stuff) as I feel the quality is pretty basic especially the woman's stuff but most was for the kids.

So how am I doing diet wise. Pretty good this - far better than last I have exercised 3 x this week and will tomorrow no doubt and Sunday.  I had a jaffa cake attack yesterday pre-menstrual cycle. This happens once a month when I eat something I shouldn't so had about 5. Why is this? I know your blood sugar drops or something but need to get a grip on that.  So I'm off now to have a sit down.

Have a great weekend people!

Thursday, 26 January 2012

You're going there anyway

Is what I used to say to my sister when she was going out in her car having passed her driving test.  This is many moons ago - my sister is 40  - so we're talking 23 years ago (sorry luv!).  She used to charge me 50p for all car journeys even if she was passing that way.  I used to think this was very tight fisted of her. 

She also cut me in on her paper round too. I would do half the round with her and put in the leaflets but I only got a small amount (that 50p again) whilst she took home the lion's share of the total £3 odd.

She's always been very good with money - we used to all have post office accounts and my money would go in, go out, go in but mostly it would go out.  My sister (she is a twin the other one is piss poor with money) would sit counting her little money piles and probably sat stroking her post office account book when we were all asleep in the dead of night, however, I have no concrete evidence to back this up.

So having relayed my car journey bug bear "she was going there anyway!" my brother-in-law pipes up "well you could say that about anything". Of course, he's right. I could turn up at Gatwick tomorrow bags packed and say  to the BA flight attendant destined for Las Vegas "let us on mate - no charge, there's empty seats and you are going there anyway"!

I mean you could apply this to all modes of transport  - buses, trains, taxis, ferries - you don't have to restrict yourself to flights.

Maybe my sister was right to expect a payment of some kind as a deterrent for any abuse of the system.  I say this because I know quite a few people who have that mentality.  One friend I know is constantly ferrying around another mum as she is going to these places anyway.  However, the mum in question never once offers to drive, or do anything to show her gratitude.  It has become expected and because my friend is going there anyway she doesn't feel comfortable to say anything. Its just a festering resentment which I'm sure in time will mean the one taking the piss will be cut loose.

She doesn't expect payment or anything like that but surely the mum in question could offer to do the driving for once instead of being driven around like some lady of the manor?  It is a friendship but a friendship on one persons selfish terms.

I also know some mum's who never offer to do the driving to the playgroup, the farm or offer to do coffee or lunches.  In my naivety I used to think they weren't aware of this fact but of course they are fully aware of their cost cutting ways. They purposely take advantage of other peoples generosity. They think I won't have to use my petrol or wear and tear on my car. Now I don't have a problem with people who are tight fisted, that is their prerogative, but don't be tight fisted at my expense.

I'm now old and wise enough to spot these types of mum a mile off . My "you're going there anywhere" radar is well and truly switched on.  I like friendships to be mutually beneficial - call me old fashioned but they are far the best and the most fulfilling and I have no problem with ferrying those friends around all day long as after all, "I am going there anyway"!

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Hankerings for a Teasmaid

I know its wrong. So, so wrong on many levels.  Not least for the fact I'm only 38 (young in teasmaid terms) and have an active sex life.  Sorry don't mean to brag or anything but I am married, we both fancy each other and whilst it has become the acceptable norm (how did that happen?) to not have sex in a relationship or very infrequently - I figure what's the point if you're not getting jiggy with it?  You might as well be mates sharing chores, childcare and the like. It is one of the many pleasures in life - its good for the soul and puts a spring in your step.

So with that in mind why oh why does the teasmaid pop into my head from time to time? I think it might have something to do with my kitchen gadget fetish.  I nearly wet myself (without a nappy - see previous 'wee' blog post) when a cream Kitchen Aid mixer turned up on my doorstep. I happened to mention to the hubster that I had always wanted one and the little treasure made my dreams (they are modest and achievable no point reaching for the unobtainable is there) come true. Its been sitting proudly on my kitchen worktop for a few years now. 

1970's teasmaid just like my nan and grandad's

Or maybe its because my lovely nan and grandad had one. I have fond memories of sleeping over and in the morning I would pop into their bedroom. The pair of them would be sitting up drinking tea from the teasmaid which sat nicely on the bedside table. A picture of happiness and contentment.

I did put on my facebook status "is it wrong to hanker after a teasmaid" to which, amongst the cries of you sad freak!, the resounding answer was YES!  How old are you 60?  My husband said that's the equivalent of getting a telly in the bedroom - the death of any sexual relationship. Besides my husband doesn't drink tea - never has - he's a coffee man. 

Maybe its just the whole fantasy idea of having a lazy lie in - the notion of sitting in bed with no where to go drinking a cup of tea.  I don't even like eating or drinking in bed.  I'm not a sitting in my dressing gown kind of gal. Once I'm up I want to get showered and dressed.  I've been on a few spa days and whilst relaxing I do find the whole walking around in a dressing gown a bit weird and like getting dressed at the end. 

So my now not so secret hankering for a teasmaid will have to remain at bay for quite a few years yet.

A modern day teasmaid

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

French Kids eat Pate!

Wow do they!  Following on from yesterday's food theme - I also read yesterday (but got distracted with my dinner lady and lateness rage) about how all French children are impeccably well mannered whilst eating out at restaurants and us Brits can't keep our little terrors under control. Oh,  by the way, the Parisian mums look effortlessly glamorous also.  So chew on that if you're currently sitting in your sweats and bending down to pick up the food that has been flung from the highchair by your little terror.

The article was in the Daily Mirror and was by an ex-pat who has moved to Paris with her husband with toddler in tow.  It was basically the French do it better. We are slack parents that give our kids too much freedom and "no" should mean no. And just to rub salt into the wounds she basically said most British mums are slummy mummies (my term not hers before she pinches it) rather than yummy mummies (someone else's worn out term).

I suspect this is another "what an earth can we write about now article" but this may well be very true - maybe the French and their children are quite happy to sit for 2 hours eating their dinner in a restaurant.  Maybe they all eat exceptionally well with not a chicken nugget in sight and the women are drop dead gorgeous.

Personally I can't think of anything worse than 'dining' out with children certainly under the age of 2.  Why should they be expected to sit for 2 hours 'enjoying' a meal?  A child of that age does not want to sit for 2 hours and nor should they have to.  They want to eat when they're hungry and that's it.  They don't want the experience. The parent does.  The parent wants to continue as they were before pre-children. Its the same parent that wants "me time" and "wants their old life back".  How enjoyable is it to dine out saying "careful" "you need to go now?" "nappy needs changing" "she's tired" "sit still" "it won't be much longer" .. .yes really enjoyable that.  Maybe the French child has accepted defeat and resigned itself (I'm not talking about older kids here) to 2 hours of hell and thinks it'll soon be over if I eat this pate!

I would much prefer my child to be running in the park, out and about, than to be confined to a room with a plate, knife and fork.

Now there are glamorous women in all the major capitals of the world. I have been to Paris many times and even honeymooned there. My most recent memory of this city then is 2009 where I observed women smoke like troopers, rough old diamonds some might say!  I rarely saw a Parisian woman break into a smile or a laugh for that matter. On one occasion whilst in a restaurant (with disruptive kids - of course probably foreigners) a woman sat opposite her husband whilst he tucked into burger, chips and large beer whilst she nursed a spud with salad and a glass of water. She barely touched it.

I always get the impression that French women are serious and of feminist persuasion but here they are nibbling away at salad, smoking like troopers to be thin for their men. The same men where its deemed acceptable to have an affair.  But possible the most annoying thing is their acceptance of those awful toilets that remain in public places where there is nothing more than a hole in the ground. Why are they not bothered about that?  Why are they not bothered about urinals on walls in public places for men to just stop and have a piss? Answer me that!

And if we are really going to get the brush out and tar everyone the same then, in the way that British mums are labelled as fat, I would have to say that French women are ugly (sorry if you are a beautiful French woman) and that maybe being slim is all they have to offer? Sweeping statements all round I think.

I find ex-pats do a lot of Brit bashing when they haven't been in the country for years. Most of their observations are not first hand at grass roots level but from Internet and newspaper articles.  There appears to be a lot of gloating and justification for the move.  Stuart Lee did a great routine where the person justifies the move by saying how big the prawns are in Australia compared to the UK.  Its very funny.

Moving on to dieting matters - I had a great day yesterday and am about to proceed with my wii dance and biggest loser. I was not blogging as frequently as I did when I started this blog in October. I update my weight loss on a baby site forum and I was flattered to hear that one member was disappointed it wasn't being written everyday. So thank you Gillian my favourite stalker for giving me a kick up my big fat arse!

Monday, 23 January 2012


I love the film Meet the Fockers (I love films in general) and I could watch Ben Stiller in anything - his face makes me laugh before he's even started.  And as for Robert De Niro the man can do no wrong in my book.  Anyhow this scene sums up my dinner lady rage today.  These words are applicable to said dinner lady - I will bring you down, I will bring you down to China Town!

Having returned back home from the school run - I don't know why its called this as no one runs and certainly not the late ones.  They just casually meander to the school - no sense of shame, no sense of urgency with not a care in the world.  I don't get these parents. The time for the start and finish of school does not change. No sorry. It remains fixed. Its constant.  It is the same time throughout the year. The whistle goes at 8.55 am - your child gets released at 3.15 pm.  Simple. 

So knowing this, knowing this complicated formula they are, without fail, late every day.  I really want to grab the parent by the shoulders and say "how bloody difficult is it to get your shit together"! I wouldn't mind but its normally the person with a single child to take care of. They don't have a newborn, baby, toddler and more in tow - they have ONE child to get up, feed, get themselves sorted and get to school on time.  They simply cannot manage it.  No one is that busy - get your shit together and stop humiliating your child.  If you are a regular offender sort it out because 20 years from now that child is going to pipe up "the only memory I have of primary school is we were always late, everyday".  Now if I've made you feel guilty then good.  Its disgraceful.

Anyway, I digress my daughter starts wailing that I'm not to put an apple and yogurt in her lunch box as it takes too long to eat.  Upon further cross examination she explains that a certain dinner lady makes her eat all her lunch - if she doesn't she's not allowed out to play. In particular all of the apple had to be eaten. Well cue blood boiling rapidly. I mean I can go from 0-60 in less than a second.  How very dare she. Who is she to stand over my daughter giving out orders because her life is so insignificant she gets a power trip out of bullying 5 year olds. 

This same dinner lady only last year said my son was not to play with his best friend during lunch time - ever!  My son is a well behaved, quiet individual and he was most upset about this.  Naturally I had a word and this ban was lifted.  It doesn't bode well that another mum said "oh let me guess was it X"? So it appears she has a reputation for his kind of thing.  Well my friends - this will be rectified tomorrow. If my daughter doesn't want to eat any of her lunch then that's her prerogative - she will have to manage 3 hours being hungry if she chooses to do that.  She won't starve.

So tomorrow I am going down to China town.

Monday Weigh In

Zero. Nothing. Zilch. Shocking? I think not. Buttercream and birthday cake with only 2 workouts and a Chinese weren't going to do anything for my weight loss this week. 

So as I said yesterday I have no distractions this week and I've set myself a goal of working out 7 times as punishment for the fact I have only lost my Xmas weight in the month of January.  I want to end the month on a high and stop any doubters who think that I won't succeed. I will. Bob says so. During my workout and I quote "you'll be the bigger loser in no time" and "you've got nothing but success coming your way"!

So today its cleaning day - whole house. I will do my Wii dance and the Biggest Loser when buddy goes for a sleep. Given that he was up at 6.30 am that's fairly likely as we've just come back from the school run with him scootering the whole way.

Be back soon.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Another one bites the dust (in the voice of Queen)

Hate Queen by the way - It's a kind of magic is up there on my top ten list of most irritating songs.  Although I have to say I do LOVE Under Pressure with Queen and David Bowie - I can't even talk about those two Irish twats Jedward doing a cover of this song.  Its just too traumatic for me.  So lets move swiftly on.

Yes another 'celebrity' marriage breaks down - Heidi Klum and Seal who were hot on the heels of Katy Perry and Russell Brand. And Sadly this week I learnt of one much closer to home.  It was a shock and it wasn't if that makes sense. It wasn't in the sense that I had a hunch last month.  By and large my instincts are pretty, pretty good and unfortunately they were right on this occasion. Actually I stand corrected as once I saw a picture of Meg Matthews and Noel Gallagher and said "oh they're so in love" - cue divorce!

I have known some pretty piss poor marriages in my time and would have volunteered a few before I would have said this particular couple.  Don't get me wrong I'm not overly smug about my own marriage but doesn't every couple discuss who will last, who won't? I'm sure me and the hubster are on a couples won't list given its the hubster's second marriage with extra baggage of 3 children and a prat for an ex-wife.

Well this pair were on the 'will last' list.  We would have much preferred someone from the other list. But there you go.  That's life as they say and you don't really get a true picture of what goes on behind closed doors.  Its only after the break up that you get the low down show down.

They do say (yes that lot again the faceless/nameless they) that January is a bugger for break ups and divorces.  I was shocked to read that in France 1 in 2 marriages breakdown and we thought we were bad here in the UK. Maybe the view that the French are know for tolerating affairs and the like isn't very accurate - we're all human after all.

Either way its pretty much guaranteed that you're going to lose weight in this process.  Again, 'they' say if someones preparing to leave a marriage then they get into shape.  I know of two couples where the men have got into the height of physical perfection prior to their departure.  They were both having affairs.  One was running every night - dropped 2 stone in as many months. His wife was so proud of him completing the London marathon - not so a few months later. At the time I did think he was having an affair.

The other was going into the shed honing his body to its twenty something state on the new gym equipment but not for the missus to enjoy, oh no, it was for the mistress 10 years his and her junior.  I've known women who have done this also.  Even if the person is not having an affair - when people are stressed and miserable you can drop stones like there's no tomorrow.  Then if you're the broken hearted (as lets face it its rarely a joint decision) you drop stones from the heartbreak of it all. 

I don't really want to test this theory as I'm pretty sure I'll be the reverse for me (and, of course, I don't want to break up anytime soon!) - sods law just to add to my misery I'd pile on the pounds. In fact, I did pile on 2 stone when I broke up with my fiance even though initiated by me way back in 1999. So there, I've tested it although I didn't love him anything like I love my husband.

So my husband was teasing me saying you're getting fit to bugger off aren't you? I know your game.  No but it is harder when you are happy and content I suppose.  I want to lose weight because I'm fat. That is all.

Turning to my weight loss - this week I did jump on the scales even though I promised I wouldn't coupled with several "you've lost weight comments" and same old same old I let up a bit (also was only able to do 2 workouts) and will probably be the same tomorrow or horror of horrors put on. Funny now I can wait to be weighed.  I was touching the 13 stone mark mid week (that would have been a loss of 3lbs). I was even tempted to start typing about water retention and shit like that and I thought "really are you at that stage coming out with shitty excuses?! Well thankfully no. 

I have eaten my son's birthday cake and had a Chinese.  All things that will always happen.  But this week I will be focused.  I have nothing to distract me. No boiler man. No cake torture. No nothing. Exercise and logging what I eat and this blog will be my number one priority.  I have to be in the 12's by the end of January - just have to.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Reasons to not exercise 1,2, 3....

In the style of Ian Dury's 1979 hit "Reason to be cheerful" - Here are the reasons I have only done 2 workouts this week.  As you know I always try and make time for at least 4 workouts a week but this week it was impossible.

1. Creation of the 'Clone Pilot cake (see below) for my son's 8th birthday party - this was tres difficile and one of those cakes where I think buying a ready made one from Sainsbury's becomes highly appealing.  I know I will never be able to do this (see my its all your fault Sara Lee blog post) 2. A day of the boiler man installing a new one (think he may have felt violated if he'd seem me dying to the Biggest Loser or prancing to Wii dance 3 and 3.  Ironing overload - this is nothing more to say about this other than I do iron our tea towells and bed linen.

I also haven't kept my food diary up-to-date much this week - will try and back date now.  I have come to the conclusion that if I can't remember what I've had then I've had too much.  I think that's a good way of thinking. Its Chinese take-away tonight and I will hold off on the prawn crackers and try and go as healthy as poss.  A much needed workout will happen tomorrow as weigh in Monday. See you then!

'Clone Pilot Cake' - it was tortue that's all I have to say about this one!

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Life's too short?

Well if you say the average living age used to be 3 score plus 10 - that's 70 for those born post 1980's then that gives you a pretty good amount of time to get things done doesn't it? This was said when I was younger so I'm sure the number is even higher now. My husband thinks life is too short and I always, always disagree! You've got 70 bloody years how long do you want? That's long enough in my book and quite frankly I'm ready to bail out at 80. I don't want to go on and on forever.  I'm looking forward to my eternal sleep.

My son is 8 today.  I was 30 when I had him and I'm now 38 (I should be a maths teacher).  This got me thinking of possibly the most over used phrase people say when a child gains another year - "doesn't time fly by so quickly" "he's growing up so fast" etc etc.  Yes he is growing up and yes the years do pass but I'm not convinced they go that quickly.  It seems like 8 years ago I gave birth to him - in fact sometimes it feels like another lifetime.

I do believe in God - only recently mind - in the past couple of years. The notion of evolution seems to be more absurd than believing in God.  My mother is an atheist so her views were passed onto us and she generally poo poos any notion of religion. I did once say I wanted to go to church to see what it was like (later she said she thought I was winding her up - I wasn't I generally was curious).  I do feel quite ignorant on all Bible matters so my husband brought me the most popular book of all time and it sits by my bed.  I like the stories and every now and then I'll try and educate myself on religious matters. 

Having said I do believe in God I'm not sure I believe in the after life.  A contradiction?  I certainly don't think its right people act in a certain way to guarantee entry. Surely this is a contradiction being good so you get something out of it.  A lot do that I think. I am happy to go about my way trying to be decent as best I can without the promise of entry.  If there is an after life great - if there isn't that's okay too. Try to have the life you want in the life that you know rather than the one you don't know.

And my favourite signing off phrase is .....in the voice of Forrest Gump "and that's all I've got to say about that"!

Monday, 16 January 2012

Monday weigh in

No change.  No surprises. Although did 5 x exercise workouts this week and some right tough ones at that I have been picking a bit.  What's the saying "pickers wear bigger knickers" so true.  So will do much better this week Xmas has long gone, the good stuff has left the building and I want to be in the 12's more than anything.  In fact, its a good think I stayed the same its made me re-focus a bit more.  Off to do the Biggest Loser workout and the Wii dance - get me!  Have a great Monday!

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Bake/Buy it, Cut it, Share it.

Simples.  Birthday cake.  Call me old fashioned but I just don't get the latest protocol at children's birthday parties. I have witnessed, on a regular basis, the birthday cake coming out adorned with candles - cue singing and clapping and then taken away.  Not to be cut up, put into napkins and popped into the party bags as a token of the birthday celebration but to be taken home by the parents and eaten later.

Now not everyone does this - some still actually bring out the cake and then divvy it up and share amongst the guests.  But a lot aren't.  Why?  Surely if you've gone to enough trouble of paying approximately £10 per child to have a party with food, games and party bag included that buying a cake, cutting it up is relatively pain free. It seems not.  It appears that there is too much effort involved in bringing a knife or asking for one, cutting it up (or asking the venue) and putting each piece of cake into a party bag.

This is the only reason I can come up with as to why parents don't do this. Or are they so cake deprived this is the only opportunity to sample a novelty cake from the supermarket? I would suggest you buy 2 then - 1 for the guests and 1 for yourselves to eat later. Perhaps after the take-away you will be having later - food deprived we certainly aren't.

My daughter always asks after leaving a party (or more often than not in front of the hosts) "but mummy we haven't had a piece of the birthday cake".  I really don't know what to say as I can't work it out either. I generally say something along the lines of it doesn't matter but really I would like to ask "why don't you cut up the cake and share it?"

Party bags are a fairly recent thing - there was a a time you didn't have party bags. Someone won the pass the parcel prize - there weren't consolation prizes like there are today and the cake was cut and ate there and then.

To make the whole cake cutting as easy as possible you can even buy a 'tray bake' (usually of chocolate brownie consistency) which is cake in tin foil sold by all major supermarkets and serves probably at least 20.  I am assuming this is for ease of cutting etc in the absence of a traditional birthday cake.  I mean even the novelty ones for a tenner are plenty big enough to accommodate the party guests.

I make the children's birthday cakes only because I didn't want to go down the frozen Sara Lee route (see previous blog post in November).  Even if I didn't I would most certainly be making sure the little guests all had a generous slice.  What will your child remember about past birthdays - it won't be the presents, who came or even where it was.  They will always remember what type of cake they had. 

It is the little opinion of this 38 year old woman that the birthday cake encompasses the whole celebration and is, in fact, the best part of any party. 

So please share the celebration and divvy up that cake!

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Charley and I were in the park....

....when a man came up. Remember these 1970 public information films for young children?  Anyone that was kicking around this time and in the early 80's will I'm sure.  I think the phrase "would you like to see my puppies" probably was born out of these little broadcasts! And also Charley the cat doing his meowing noise.  I wonder what the boy was called? There was even a rave tune by The Prodigy featuring "Charley says.."  My husband remembers the Joe and Petunia series in particular the Country Code but I don't as much.

I wonder if these type of films will make a comeback?  Maybe they should in an updated fashion - remind people how to behave and the like. I certainly wouldn't have a problem with my children watching the series in fact I might show them tomorrow and see what they think.

There's a funny one on you tube where Charley says don't interrupt mummy and the milkman!  There's the whole lot on there so if you're feeling nostalgic take a look.


Friday, 13 January 2012

My house isn't spotless yours is just a shit hole..

.....was uttered (not about my house - heavens above!) by a friend of mine once and it always makes me chuckle.  We were having a cup of tea with another friend at her house.  Both my friends are mother's in their mid forties so a little older than me.  My friend was telling the story of another mother that came to her house and proclaimed "oh my god, your house is spotless" - her house isn't spotless. It is just clean and tidy. My friend said "I thought to myself my house isn't spotless yours is just a shit hole luv"! The line was delivered in perfect comedy timing with a South London accent.

Some random comments made in conversation just stick in my mind and this is one of them.

I have to say some mums do get on my nerves at times.  A lot are into man bashing (in particular the man they chose to marry and have children with) moaning about what the other half does or doesn't do - what do you do? Quit your moaning. If I worked full time then I would want my dinner on the table when I got home from a hard days work and I'd also want the house to be in order -not spotless but certainly not like a bomb's hit it or a "shit hole". 

When I say its cleaning day today (the bigger clean of the week - its always on going  i.e hoovering, floors washing, toilets, ironing etc) on a Monday their faces are a picture - "oh I don't clean" "what's that?!" cue laughter.

The talk progresses to specifics - "the only things I iron are school uniform" "Oh, I don't iron the clothes are self ironing" or some other thing that clothes miraculously do these days. Yes by all accounts they come out of the washing machine without a crease and therefore I am actually wasting my time.

Now for a really big wide mouthed reaction I just need to casually mention that I iron our bedsheets.  No I'm not being smug I just think a lot of people are lazy and in particular women. They can't be arsed.  I like nice uncreased sheets what can I say!  I'm talking from a stay at home mum point of view so obviously have more time to do these things but there are some who still can't be arsed even if they are at home all day. I appreciate that if you work full-time or even part-time (which is just as stressful) then housework is going to be at the bottom of your list.  But it still needs to be done and hopefully fairly equally if that's the case.

I cleaned the windows the other day and that was met with gasps of shock and horror in equal measure. What is this nonsense you speak of.  I quickly muttered, so as not to lose any street cred with the non-cleaning, non-ironing, non-cooking, non-window washing brigade that it hadn't been done in probably a year (although the one that the little fella touches gets done once a week I hate toddler paw prints on my doors).  Phew looks of relief all round.

Now where is that oven cleaner......

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Practically Teetotal

Is what I am. The hubster says you can't be practically - you're either teetotal or you are not. You drink or you don't drink. Well yes technically he is right but I like to have my little sayings and this is my current one.  I am practically teetotal albeit I have a small glass of red (and I mean small its in a wine glass we purchased in France - proper European measure) on a Saturday night with my meal.  Now don't get me wrong I like a good drink and enjoy red wine but I have spent the majority of my 30's pregnant and then dieting afterwards to shift the baby/indulge whilst pregnant weight. Alcohol is empty calories, full of sugar, ages you quite rapidly and in large quantities is basically shit for any diet irrespective of whether or not you want to lose weight. 

When I drink I forget about the fact that I'm fat and that my wardrobe is very limited, that I'm far happier when I know I'm doing something about my weight and the exercise that I would have invariably done during the week.  Yes that all goes by the by and I think I'm Kate Moss or something. I don't have a care in the world and start to indulge in nibbles. The next day I'm hung over and this becomes more and more unappealing when you have 3 children to take care of.

I spent a good portion of my late teens and twenties in a drunken state.  It is the norm in this country. Get rat arsed, pissed, off your face what ever you call it. It is the done thing.  The newspapers often do a yearly piece on the state of the pissed youth of this country but being drunk is nothing new for this country. We have a long history of it going way back when.

Take the Gin houses in London back in the 1600's and the devastating affect of our consumption of Gin which was encouraged as imports of French wine and spirits were banned to encourage the industry at home http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_Street_and_Gin_Lane.

The affects of Gin at that time were wonderfully illustrated by William Hogarth's (we went to see an exhibition in London a few years back) famous work of art "Beer Street and Gin Lane".  You can see in the picture that the mother is so pissed she's forgotten about her poor baby and it has fallen out of her arms and is tumbling to its untimely death. 

So there is nothing new about people of all ages using drink in a less than sensible way. There is a lot of inverted snobbery about the subject. "Oh why can't people just a have a couple of glasses"? Usually said by people who also drank to get pissed when they were younger and now don't. "Why can't we be like our European neighbours they just have a glass of wine with their dinner".  They are sensible.  Are they? Wine at dinner time with every meal is that the acceptable face of being dependent on alcohol?  Are they able to have their meal without alcohol? Do they not get pissed because their bodies have become so used to it on a daily basis?  I'm sure there are lots of Europeans with drink problems. It is a drug to a lot of people. I know people who cannot get through a week without having a alcohol.  There are people that drink a bottle of wine a night.  The young binge drinker (which we've all been) is an easier target than the 'sensible' middle aged bottle a night drinker. They are "sensible" by all accounts.

I do like a drink. I like the taste of wine. I like the warm fuzzy glow I get and maybe when I'm slim and the kids are older I will be a bottle a night person, a sensible European wine with every meal or a bottle a week kind of lady but for now I am practically teetotal!

Monday, 9 January 2012

Monday Weigh In

Hooray -3lbs - that's my Xmas weight off so back to where I was pre-Xmas freestyle on the food intake.  Now the serious work needs to kick in as I need to be in the 12's this month and very low 12's by end of Feb. 

I have re-set the Biggest Loser game to Hard and will try and do that today - its cleaning day but should manage it.  Summer is only around the corner and I CANNOT repeat CANNOT be the big lard arse I was last year.

I have work to do.  Be back soon.

Saturday, 7 January 2012


Well today I have added a page (all the pages are on the right hand side of this blog) of my measurements. To me this is much more personal than my actual weight (said she who blogs and tells random strangers about anything and everything).  I mean no one will ever pick me up and do a guessing game as to how much I weigh. Maybe that will happen someday - a game show or something along the lines of the Biggest Loser where people in the street attempt to pick up the contestants and guess their weight. The closest wins a holiday or something.

I suppose, in real terms, it doesn't matter how much you weigh. What matters is what you look like - if you look like a big lump and clothes don't fit then that's a good indication you are fat! Obviously the scales give you the confirmation that you need.  So here goes (I will update the page in February):-

Widest point i.e my arse = 47 inches
Waist = 37 inches (at a tight pull I can get it to 36 inches)
Bust (widest point - my boobs) 43 inches
Under Bust (used for bra size) 35 inches

So there you have it, in print, my measurements.  They say that a woman's waist should be under 31 inches - I would love for it to be 29 just so I could say my waist was under 30 inches. How much I would have to lose for that to be achieved I don't know.  The measurement I want to be reducded more than anything is the width of me that would be most pleasing. 

Right I need to go and do some exercise as its not going to reduce sitting here typing.  Have a great weekend people.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Women are a bunch of Muppets...

Board game from 1970's
...at times and that includes my good self.  I bagsie Miss Piggy - who will you be and why?!  I have been annoyed today - okay mildly irritated - about various misdemeanours none of which really matter and one of which has to be my simmering, on the back burner, reoccurring annoyance - swimming lessons.

Now, if swimming lessons ever had to face a court of law they would be banged to rights. They would be locked up and the key thrown in the deep end where the child they had been teaching would be unable to get it because they can't  FUCKING swim!!  If you were to ask a lay person how long would they deem it "reasonable" (standard terminology in the legal system) for a child to learn to swim they, I can guarantee you, will not say about 2 years.

What is wrong with us? Why do we sit on those hard as nails chairs week after week after week watching our child 'swim' doing the same thing over and over again.  One week without floats - hooray progression! Next week floats.  The old cynic in me says that it is good business not to teach a child to swim within a reasonable time frame.  String it out for as long as possible = more money from the Muppet's which are (by and large) the mums.  We have all been brain washed to accept that this is reasonable. It is NOT!! There should be some guarantee that your child will swim within a year as standard - that's what you're teaching them to do is it not?! If they can't then you're not teaching them properly end of.

Now my son started swimming when he was 4 1/2 (reception) - it took a year of me and some other mums to finally accept this was a shit lesson, there was no real progress so we bailed out and went somewhere else.  Cue much improvement instructors in water - weekly 30 min slot. So from Year 1 (he is currently in 2nd term of year 3) until now he has got his 50 metre certificate and has been doing sitting dives etc but still he uses floats on occasions and is still not in the last group. He is doing exactly as he's told as far as I can see. My daughter also swims at the same time in the lower group for convenience so god knows how long that will be whilst I restrain my 18 month old waiting in the wings.

I never had private lessons in the 1970's - we were chucked in this freezing outside pool in primary school and I could swim by the time I was 6 I am sure.  I pretty sure I could do the same chuck the kids in and they would soon get the hang of it but I've taken the lazy option and paid someone to do it for me and bloody well paid they have been too.  In my naivety I thought this was an essential skill to have in case they ever fell out of a boat and such like! This is the only club I drive them too.

Now I could go on about after school clubs and mum's obsessions with driving their kids to every club going, paying someone to 'teach' their child for 30 mins and then driving them home.  STOP IT! But I need to engage with my lovely hubby and sit by the fire.

On the plus side I managed to do the Wii Zumba today with wrist weights no less and will let you know the effects of that tomorrow. I also got the tape measure out and will post the findings.  Until tomorrow - yours swimmingly Miss Piggy x

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Welcome back hunger its been a while

Although now I'm in the company of every other person in the land embarking on their New Year's diet. Amateurs I tell thee! The Mars Bar (the short straw of the selection box in my opinion) will look mighty tempting to these suckers by mid January and I can bid them and every advert and newspaper supplement a not so fond farewell. 

Yes as I type I'm getting that lovely reassuring sensation of hunger. I've experienced this pretty much everyday since October bar my two week freestyle in December. I'm back.  Wii dance over 4,000 sweat points completed - check.  Series link on all manner of fat programmes - check.  Tape measure out - check.

Now I haven't put my stats on here (my physical ones that is) and think maybe a page needs to be added so I can check my measurements on a monthly basis - what do you think? 

I also need to re-cap on the mantra that is The 1970's Diet - there were no snacks, no endless supply of nibbles to gorge on late into the evening.  The take-away man did not turn up on your doorstep bearing culinary delights in exchange for bank notes.  You felt properly hungry between meals and most importantly YOU WEREN'T FAT!!

Oh and another thing along with my cheese fetish, Frazzles have been banned from entering my mouth. They are my Achilles heel and as my husband said the other day "are processed crap". Tasty processed crap I might add but they are a horrendous amount of calories and fat.  In the grand scheme of things they're really not worth it and I am.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Monday Weigh In..

... stayed the same.  So the 3lb I put on via Xmas is still on.  I'm okay with this.  It is a respectable gain what with all the temptations and a few nights out etc during December.  Christmas is the most challenging time of the year for any dieter and 3lb will be off by next week and my weight loss journey will continue. 

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Fresh as a Daisy?

I have spent many a New Year's Eve in a sorry pissed state - Edinburgh, hotels, house parties and a disastrous New Year's Eve special of celebrating the Millennium in Brixton of all places.  We had gone to see the fireworks on the South Bank.  It was a crowded nightmare even for us young things (twenty somethings) so we tried to cross somewhere else, ended up on the tube heading towards Brixton and on the stroke of midnight were at Brixton tube station trying to get a bus back to Croydon.  There is a picture of me somewhere in the vaults of me looking thoroughly miserable - I was ending my 8 year relationship and embarking on an affair at the same time - on the tube wearing one of those mad union (remember only Jack when at sea) hats.

Nearly 8 years ago January was historically a pisser or a month and I hated it with a passion. Depressing, miserable, wet and I wasn't that into New Year's either celebrating going into January always seemed a bit barmy. I digress, my eldest son will be 8 in January and since he was born January's haven't been as bleak as they used to be.  His birthday and cake planning (I always make their cakes - this year it will be a Lego inspired number) cheer up a normally drab month.

Well the decs are down and the whole house has been cleaned and tidied - love the look of the house in January.  All done with a clear head too.  Not a total write off where I can barely move from being so tired and hung over.

Now if you weren't going on a diet then you surely are after reading the Sunday papers this morning.  Blimey not only do they have the normal diet shit and resolutions blah blah blah - there's also a paper supplement dedicated to shifting the pounds. 

The 1970's Diet will, of course, be continuing into the New Year and beyond shitty paper supplements or no supplements.  Feel free to come and join me for the ride and Happy New Year to you all!