Thursday, 10 November 2011

The Lady is a Tramp

Yes I am - I really am. The lyrics are so true "she gets too hungry for dinner at 8..(yup).she never bothers with people she hates (so true) ..that's why the lady is a tramp". 

This tune probably sums me up quite nicely at the mo - I do get very hungry indeed Frank and I most certainly cannot wait until 8 o'clock to eat my dinner.  As to being a tramp you've hit the nail right on the head. I am down to one pair of saggy around the knees black jeans. The blue pair are worn out in the crotch region - very fetching it may be on some young blond twenty something but not quite the look I'm aiming for on the school run. 

So today I have on leggings, smock summer dress, short cardie and my two tone brown suede boots (these were purchased from  - they make boots made to your calf measurements - hooray!) topped off with my massive tan poncho which I wore when I was pregnant.  The outfit is every fat woman's staple a bit like fit flops (whilst very comfy ladies they aren't going to work miracles), diet coke, handbags and shoes.  Most ladies like shoes and handbags but the larger variety in particular - we can get into them and wear them without the ordeal that trying on clothes can be.

Don't get me wrong I love clothes and in my little fantasy world I am a smart, high heel wearing, sophisticated 30 something but the reality is somewhat different.  Evenings are trackie bottoms and a vest top - good job my husband still finds attractive as I would be in trouble.  I do have my eye on a blue tartan poncho which I may treat myself on my birthday but I am holding out for the clothes shopping until I've hit my mid target at the very least.  I am so determined to lose the weight it seems such a waste and soul destroying to go out and buy replacement size 16 clothes.

I do want to look nice for my husband (cue feminist keeling over). He is 10 years older than me and it would be nice if he had a foxy wife. The other day he was very sweet and said "the trouble is you look hot when you're large and hot when you're not" - this was in addition, I might add, to him saying I was like a "family pack" enough to go around!  I think there was a compliment amongst that lot.

I never see the point of ladies who go out of their way to wear something that their husband doesn't find them remotely attractive in or dye their hair that poxy red colour. Who thought that was attractive?  "He can fffing shove it if he don't like it" - why, why, why would you want to turn your partner off?  I don't get it -  works both ways. If my husband wore something that was hideous and starting doing weird things with his bald head then I think my lust for him may diminish rapidly.

Unfortunately this lady will have to remain a tramp for a little bit longer.

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